Hi. You know me pretty well, and I know you pretty well. I look at you every single day of my life and I can honestly say that half the time I hate what I see. I look in disgust because I hate the person I am sometimes. I wish I could be different. I know that everyone complains about their looks, their acne, their hair, but that's not what I mean. I look in the mirror and I see more about myself than just my looks, even though I don't like those sometimes. When I look at myself I see what I've done and who I've become as a person. I don't like myself. Other people tell me I'm crazy, and I love them for that, but they are never going to change my mind about how I feel. People hate me, a lot of people. I can brush it off and make a joke, like I always do, but I always look in the mirror and see that people hate the person that I'm looking at. A lot of people don't know what it's like to be hated, it doesn't feel right. It hurts a lot to know that you try so hard to be a good person and to things right and to just be yourself but in the end it just ends up getting people to dislike you. I'm sorry to you, my reflection, that you have to go through the same things I go through. It sucks. It sucks that no matter what you do to your appearance, you're still the same person inside and no one likes that. Sure I have friends, I have more friends than you can imagine. But the amount of friends I have will never balance out the people that hate me in this world. I get compliments everyday, I have over 1,000 people in this world that sign onto a website everyday to see my face, and sure that helps my self confidence...but I might never meet a lot of those people. I start to realize that the only people lately that have feelings for me are people that live across the country, and that's hard. I see myself everyday and think about all of this, I want to break the mirror but I know I'll still be the same me. The same me that some people love, some people hate, and the same person that hates himself. I'm sure one day I'll come to terms with myself, love myself, accept myself, but for now I don't know how to do that. So I'm going to take what I have in my life and look at the positive, keep my feelings bottled up no matter how bad that is for me. I'm going to hide it away just like I've been doing for a long time, and I'm the only one who's going to be able to change that. So I'm sorry, my reflection, for not giving you a better person to look back at.
And thank you to everyone who has followed this blog, you all mean the world to me if you take the time to read the stupid stuff that comes out of my head. So please, let me know if you've read this, it will mean a lot to know that someone out there cares about what I have to say. Thank you.
30 Day Challenge - Complete.
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