Day 30 - Your reflection in the mirror.

Hi. You know me pretty well, and I know you pretty well. I look at you every single day of my life and I can honestly say that half the time I hate what I see. I look in disgust because I hate the person I am sometimes. I wish I could be different. I know that everyone complains about their looks, their acne, their hair, but that's not what I mean. I look in the mirror and I see more about myself than just my looks, even though I don't like those sometimes. When I look at myself I see what I've done and who I've become as a person. I don't like myself. Other people tell me I'm crazy, and I love them for that, but they are never going to change my mind about how I feel. People hate me, a lot of people. I can brush it off and make a joke, like I always do, but I always look in the mirror and see that people hate the person that I'm looking at. A lot of people don't know what it's like to be hated, it doesn't feel right. It hurts a lot to know that you try so hard to be a good person and to things right and to just be yourself but in the end it just ends up getting people to dislike you. I'm sorry to you, my reflection, that you have to go through the same things I go through. It sucks. It sucks that no matter what you do to your appearance, you're still the same person inside and no one likes that. Sure I have friends, I have more friends than you can imagine. But the amount of friends I have will never balance out the people that hate me in this world. I get compliments everyday, I have over 1,000 people in this world that sign onto a website everyday to see my face, and sure that helps my self confidence...but I might never meet a lot of those people. I start to realize that the only people lately that have feelings for me are people that live across the country, and that's hard. I see myself everyday and think about all of this, I want to break the mirror but I know I'll still be the same me. The same me that some people love, some people hate, and the same person that hates himself. I'm sure one day I'll come to terms with myself, love myself, accept myself, but for now I don't know how to do that. So I'm going to take what I have in my life and look at the positive, keep my feelings bottled up no matter how bad that is for me. I'm going to hide it away just like I've been doing for a long time, and I'm the only one who's going to be able to change that. So I'm sorry, my reflection, for not giving you a better person to look back at.

And thank you to everyone who has followed this blog, you all mean the world to me if you take the time to read the stupid stuff that comes out of my head. So please, let me know if you've read this, it will mean a lot to know that someone out there cares about what I have to say. Thank you.

30 Day Challenge - Complete.

Day 29 - The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to.

Once I read what today's topic was I knew for sure who i was going to write about. You are someone that means the world to me and that I can't live without. Your the person that provides for me, the one that cares for me, and the one that brought me into this world. Mom, you get mad at me almost every time we talk because I never open up to you and tell you what's going on in my life. I can honestly say I'm sorry for that, I'm sorry for shutting you out of my life at times. I've been trying more and more to tell you what's going on in my life, but I can't. I can't at times because I just don't feel comfortable telling you personal things that are going on in my life. You mean the world to me and I appreciate everything you do for me. I never forget everything that you've gone through and everything you've helped me achieve in my life. But one thing you might have to understand is that right now I can't let you into certain parts of my life. I know you're upset because of this and I'm sorry, so just give me time. Give me time to experience what I have to experience and then maybe some day I'll be able to tell you more. I don't think there's much else I can say about the matter beside the one hundred different ways I can say sorry. You told me that reading this blog is the only way that you get any information about my life, and when I began writing this I always hoped that you'd find a way to read it. So thank you for always being in my life and thank you for accepting that there are a lot of things I can't tell you. Thank you for being there for me, because one day I'll need you by my side to let you know everything that's going on.

Day 28 - Someone that changed your life.

You came into my life as someone I've never spoken to. Someone that I honestly just admired, looked up to almost. I've never met you. I know people are going to wonder how someone I've never met can be someone who's changed my life. Well, it's possible, because you've changed my life. I mention this in almost every other blog, but just because your 'real life' friends with someone doesn't mean their some pedophile that wants your help finding his lost puppy. So back to you, you are seriously one of the nicest, smartest, funniest people I have ever met. Yes, I met you over Dailybooth, and because of that we've become such close friends. I love talking to you and so do my friends because you're just such a good person. I remember one of the first times we talked on Skype, and I was so nervous. It's kind of pathetic, actually, but at the time you were this 'big deal' to me. It's weird to look back on that now. Then the next time we Skyped I was ranting about how I didn't want to read a book for English, then you proceeded to tell me that it was your favorite book. After that we talked for probably close to an hour and you analyzed the book more than my English teacher did. I can tell that you're going to do something great with your life because you don't waste your time. Your a smart kid, and I think you're going to go far. I honestly hope we keep talking for a long time, because I remember there was a point for a few months when we didn't talk at all, and now that we're talking more again I realized how much you mean to my life. I really hope one day we meet because I love the person you are, and I love that I can talk to you about a lot of things. So thank you for being the person you are, thank you for coming into my life, and thank you for changing my life.

Day 27 - The friendliest person you knew for only one day.

Well technically I knew you for a lot more than a day. But I've only met you in person once, on one day. That day was probably one of the best days of my life. People thought that me talking to you was one of the sketchiest things alive, and said that by meeting you I was going to get raped or kidnapped. Guess what? You weren't some 60 year old man waiting to push me into a van and take me away. You were a nice, cute, funny, tall, amazing person that I was so happy to meet. I remember waiting for you to walk through the doors and everyone told me it wasn't a big deal that we were meeting. But it was a big deal for me, you were a big deal in my life. I liked you a lot, and meeting you was one of the greatest experiences of my life. I know that everyone says it's wrong to talk to people you've never met, so I changed that, and I met you. I am so happy I met you because seeing you in person was so different then seeing you on Skype or over Facebook. You made that night amazing just by being there, so thank you for that. Thank you for not making fun of me because I was afraid to talk because I was scared of sounding stupid. Thank you for just meeting me and being where you said you'd be. It was definitely a challenge to get to you, but we made it happen. So once again, thank you for being so friendly. Even though we only met for one day, it seemed like a lot longer than that. I hope that won't be the only day I get to see you. Thank you.

Day 26 - The last person you made a pinky promise to.

So before reading today's topic I was at my best friend's house. I go there so many times a week that I'm basically part of her family. When they were singing happy birthday to her dad I almost said Dad while we were singing. It's weird how someones family can make you feel so comfortable. But once we were done celebrating, we decided to go swimming. It was cold, the water was cold, but we wanted to go in anyway. I asked her if she would jump in with me but she said I would just push her in the pool. So I looked at her and stuck my pinky out, telling her I wouldn't do that. Then we jumped in holding hangs, and the water was freezing. As silly or strange as that story might sound, that's my life. I never have these intense pinky promises that are life or death situations, no one does. But when I make a pinky promise, I mean it. Especially when it comes to my best friend, it doesn't matter how big or small the promise is, I'm going to keep it. I would never purposely get someone to lose their trust in me, I would hate that. I like being able to tell someone I'm going to or not going to do something truthfully, I don't like to lie. So as stupid as this may seem, you've all been in my spot before. I'm sure once in your lifetime you've made a pinky promise to someone and even though it's just two fingers touching, it means the world to some people. It's putting all your trust with someone into the smallest action. That means a lot to be able to do that, to be able to tell someone the biggest secret you have and pinky promise and ask them to not tell anyone. You want to be able to trust your best friend, always. I didn't think I would be able to write a lot for this one, and I know I didn't really write about the person I last pinky promised because I've written about her before. I wanted to make this mostly about what a pinky promise really means, and it's not just a worthless thing that doesn't matter, it really does matter to a lot of people. So to all the future people that I will pinky promise something to remember that I don't take your trust lightly, and I would never do anything to betray you.

Day 25 - The person you know that is going through the worst of times.

I don't know if some things in your life are still going on, but I know for sure that in the past you have been to hell and back. You're one of my friends and you've trusted me with a lot and I love that. I love that you know that you can trust me with everything and you know I won't betray that trust. So many terrible things have happened in your life and I honestly don't know how you can still keep a smile on your face all the time. You are an amazing person and I hate to see you sad. You don't deserve half the stuff that you've been through because you are such a great person. It seems like every other month something goes wrong and I can't stand to watch it, it's terrible and no body on Earth deserves that. Whenever I'm with you I smile, laugh, and can't be sad because the person you are never seems to be upset. In a way I hope you don't find out this is you because I'm afraid that you might get offended in some way but in all honesty I think your so brave for being the person you are after all that you've been through. So don't ever put your head down and be afraid to talk to me when something goes wrong in your life. I'm sorry that you had to go through all this stuff in your life. People look at you and think you have it all but I know it's not as perfect as it seems. Please be my friend forever and talk to me whenever somethings wrong because I hate seeing you hurt. I love you and thank you for trusting me, I promise I won't hurt you.

Day 24 - The person that gave you your favorite memory.

Well I'm going to change this one up a little. Instead of just writing about one person, I'm going to write about a group of people. Most of this group of people is new to my life and I can honestly say they are giving me some of the best memories that I know I will never forget. I also know that throughout the future they are going to give me plenty more. You are all amazing people, some of which i just met a few weeks ago, some who I know from sports, some who I've written about before, and one that has been a life long friend. I love you all more than words can say because when we're all together the most drama we ever have is debating who did/didn't call "fives" on their chair before they got up. The environment around you guys is always so happy and calm, and I'm always laughing when we're together. So Ryan, Kyle, Julia, and Angie, you all have changed my life whether you know it or not. I was getting pretty fed up with my life before you guys, just bored actually, but when we all started hanging out that all changed. Ryan, I've written about you here before but you make every single "hangout" worth going to because you're so funny and happy. Kyle, we played volleyball together and the first month we never talked, mostly because I was un-social. Now we're really close friends and I wouldn't want it any other way, you're funny and I love hanging out with you. Angie, I love you, even though you say I hate you every single second where together, I know you know that that is not true at all. You're funny, pretty, and an overall amazing person to be around, and we have only been friends for a few weeks. Julia, I've already written about you, but you're my best friend and I love spending time with you. You're an amazing person. I can't get enough of you all, and I know that I'll be seeing you all in the future. Thank you for coming into my life, I love you all.